All the Things She Said

I have a lot to think about...

Friday night was an onslaught of information...more on that in a bit.

I think about working out all the time. I now fit comfortably into the next size of jeans down and almost comfortably in TWO sizes less. I like the person in the mirror, but it takes a lot of brain functioning to get here. I think about how long to work out, how many calories each workout will burn, how many calories I can consume to replenish and still lose weight. It’s a never-ending cycle.

I think about my students and whether I am helping them or not. I think about my coworkers and whether they appreciate me as much as I do them.

I think about the Warrior Dash in March at least 12 times a day. Our "team" logo “Just for the MUD of it” is the background on my computer. I hope I am strong enough to get through the obstacles (especially jumping fire).

I think about my family and whether they are happy and healthy. There has been a lot of parental loss for kids I grew up with, and I am not strong enough to go through that with my own family. Sandpile and Mighty need to stick around for a while if what I heard Friday comes true…

I think about FreightTrain and how proud I am of him. He has a 20 page brief due Friday, so I don't get to talk to him until then. Conveniently it's his birthday, so that makes it sweeter. I wish I could send him something awesome, but it won’t happen this year.

I worry about my financials.

tfTHG claims to have the money he owes me coming in February. I hate that I still need this from him and he is still in my life until I get it. I hate that I can't trust him to actually go through with it. Basically there is a lot of darkness when his name is mentioned.

I also think about the fact that in order to survive last year I had to pull money out of my retirement account.

Terrible idea! If you can avoid it...DO!

That move is going to KILL me on taxes this year. How do I raise the money to pay Uncle Sam?! I will admit to a slight freak out right now. There are payment plans and such but goodness! I was hoping to be back in the black come March. Now I have to worry if I will ever be in the black.

Lord help the man that gets me!

And that brings me to Friday night...

TMAM and I did our regular dinner, drinks, and catch up since we don't get to see each other for Sunday Spin anymore.

We went to a great little sushi place Kaneyama and ate protein galore. The yellowtail was amazing and the eel on the Godzilla Roll literally melted in my mouth. We drank unfiltered sake and chatted.

After three bottles of sake we decided to go see Anna!

Anna is a palm reader.

Yes, you read that correctly.

She has been eerily accurate with some of our friends, and I have always been curious. We drove to Montrose and found her place. TMAM has already been to see her twice this month, so it was like a reunion for her. Anna is a sweet older woman who looks like at one point she may have been a real gypsy. I sat at her table and told her my name...nothing else.

I repeat NOTHING else!

Her first words were that I have a perfect soul. I am loving and strong. She could "see" that I was a loving person and take care of many people. Well...score one.

She said she did not "see" cancer or sickness and that I will most likely live to my 90's, because I am strong and healthy...I liked it, so score two.

Then she started talking about men...this made me a bit sad. According to Anna and my palms I have already met my soul mate. The problem is he was scared off by some other man I was with and has already moved on.

The other man she called "kissy-kissy boy". He is incredibly sexy but no good. Actually, she said many men flock to me but none of them are any good...um, score THREE!

Remember I told her NOTHING except my name.

Ms. Anna told me I will be surrounded by lots of grandbabies and great grandbabies. I'm no genius, but I put two and two together and realized to have grandbabies I would need to have babies…Apparently three boys are in my future.

**As a side note...I always thought three boys would be a trip and am enamored of women who are moms to three boys. Maybe score four?**

Again, not a genius, I got to thinking to have babies there has to be a man (for some reason I hear AKAlec's voice saying "one? At least.", but for the sake of argument we will stick with singular).

Who is this man if not my soul mate?

Apparently he is Mr. "he will do". According to Anna there is a man out there who will make me feel fulfilled, safe, and happy as well as help me raise three tall strong boys. As per Anna I will drive this man crazy with my stubbornness, but will always be loved and cared for.

I am supposed to meet him running one day soon too! Thank goodness I took running up as a hobby, huh?!

Here's where it all falls together. He has a job! And a good job, like taking care of people and getting paid way better than I do job!

I take this with a grain of salt and enjoy the entertainment of it. I don't know if I will meet Mr. "He will do" next month, next week, or next year. I just hope I can get my financial self under control before I meet whomever. I don't want him to be burdened by my issues, nor do I want to be dependent on him to fix the problem. Might be some of that stubbornness Anna saw...

The point being, maybe there is some hope to my relationship and financial woes after all and I can spend my nights thinking about my three sons rather instead.

Inspiration song…”All the Things She Said” by t.A.T.u

Forever in Blue Jeans

Today is a sad day. I have to give up something that I love dearly…

My favorite pair of jeans…

The pair of jeans that got me through the summer…The jeans that I wore on my first date with tfTHG…The jeans that always made me feel sexy when I wore them with heels! They looked great in flippies and tennis shoes as well. These jeans are the best.

Now sadly they must be put away…

They did not die to a fatal bleach accident or acquire holes in unrepairable locations. They are simply TOO BIG!

Yes, it’s true. I have now lost enough weight it’s time to retire an item of clothing! How cool is that?! I think it is very cool, but I feel like I am losing an old friend.

I wore them today just because they are my old friend and with the weather I felt like something comforting was called for. However, after 30 minutes of wearing them I noticed they were way too baggy. A coach walked in a short while ago and asked how much weight I’ve lost, because I have “droopy drawers”.

Yes my friends, I have totally kicked some ass literally OFF my body!

Fortunately, I have acquired FOUR new pair of jeans that were already in my closet, so I’m not out a bunch of money in replacement costs.

It’s just so darn scary to lose a pair of jeans!!

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. You find one fit that works with you no matter your mood and you take care of them. You love them and they love you back in the form of glances, whistles, date invitations etc…

Ok, so that last one hasn’t happened in a while, but I don’t blame the jeans. I did, however, get a younger man to say “you are REALLY pretty” as I walked past his group of guys a few short weeks ago!

**There were no other women on the street, so it’s safe to say the comment was   directed at me…and if not, I’m taking it!**

A good fitting pair of jeans can make or break your day. If they are too loose you feel silly and if they are too tight, well that’s just a literal pain in the heiny! When a pair of jeans fit right, oh my! You walk a little taller with more of a swagger. Your smile is brighter and your eyes shine more!

Here is my dilemma de jour; I have four “new” pair, but I am not entirely sold on any of them just yet. They don’t have the feel or look my current faves have. What am I to do?! It is hard to find a good pair of reasonably priced jeans that hug curves, not broadcast them in an unflattering light.

I cannot live without jeans to wear. They ARE my wardrobe staple. I feel like I rock the jeans better than anything else. I’ve looked the interwebs over to find a pair that wows and attracts me to them.

My favorite store is even moving away from denim and towards slacks and work apparel…

“My favorite store” being Banana Republic.

Their classic boot cut is not a “flare” and works over any kind of shoe. I particularly love them over my heels. BR also has a “curvy” cut for us gals who have a woman’s body, not a stick.

That’s how I describe their current styles…”sticky” because they are made for stick-like figures.

I love me some BR, but have decided to put the credit spending on hold until summer. So the four pair in my closet better last a while! Hopefully by summer even they will be baggy and need to be replaced! Hopefully by some of the Lucky jeans TMAM has waiting for me in her closet!!!

Inspiration song…”Forever in Blue Jeans” by Neil Diamond

She’s Got Legs

I run.

I am not fast, nor could I be considered a “runner”, but I run.

I enjoy getting on a treadmill and “checking out” so to speak for 30-60 minutes. The first time I ever heard the term “checking out” the person was talking about Marijuana, so I figure this is a much better method.

I enjoy being on the treadmill listening to Pandora. Rise Against is my station of choice. I would say Shinedown, but with that comes occasional Hinder and that is unacceptable.

Hinder makes me want to punch MYSELF in the face. Although a great sound, every time I hear a song from Hinder I think “The Worst Boyfriend Ever!”

“Lips of an Angel”, what the heck is that?! Seriously?!

Yes seriously. Unless you are gluten for punishment Hinder is painful to listen to…

The 30-60 minutes are precious to me. I need a few minutes to sweat and not think about my day. I never in my life thought I would say that!!

Two years ago I wasn’t sure I would ever get to run again.

It takes a lot of energy to move these legs up and forward. I admit it, I have large strong legs. I am not ashamed of this fact. They are my grandfather’s legs.

Literally…

I remember the day I figured it out. I was walking into the Biology building at the University of Montana my junior year and thought “huh, that person has legs like GrandpaH.” Then I looked around…NO ONE behind me. Yep, it was a slap in the face at the time, but now I’m proud of them.

They are strong. So strong in fact they grew too big for the fascia covering each muscle group in my lower leg. I would run and feel so much pain in my legs I would have to sit down in tears.

I don’t cry in public…this was real pain.

**Another perk of the job…I can figure out what is going on inside my body and when enough is enough.**

It was enough. Not being able to jog or walk 20 minutes without severe pain after running a half-marathon was NOT ok.

I ended up having three surgeries on two legs to release the fascia around the anterior (front) and lateral (outside) compartments of my lower leg. This allowed me to not have the crushing pain from blood filling up the muscle belly and pushing on the nerves.

You are right, three surgeries is excessive.

See, whahahappend was…I ended up with a staph infection on the left leg (not the bad staph you read about in the papers, but an infection nonetheless). The second surgery was to remove the infection and try to close up the incisions…flash forward TWO months…incisions still were not closed and a smaller infection was still brewing. I needed to get the right leg done, so the docs did me a solid. They cleaned up the left incisions while doing the actual release surgery on the right.

Tada!

Now things are hunky dory! The only problem I have is random toe cramping. I can live with that. I just stretch and get back to my life.

I can honestly say at 33 years of age I LOVE my legs.

Inspiration song…”She’s Got Legs” by ZZ Top

Baby Got Back

I received this text: “Life is all about ass. You’re either working your ass off, sweating your ass off, laughing your ass off, kicking ass, kissing ass, spanking ass, hauling ass, wiping ass, busting ass or just trying to get a piece of ass! If you agree with this, pass the ass! But don’t send it to my ass…Hope you have a good ass day! (-;”

I loved it! Made me a “happy ass”!

I started thinking how true it is. Whether you are a parent or nonparent, single or married, a high school student or grown “ass” adult you are most likely at this moment thinking about or doing one of the above, probably a few at the same time.

How many times have you written in a text or IM “LMAO”?

I enjoy the word ass. I really do. If said at the right time to a student it gets the point across quickly.

Sit yo ass down! 

Bet you just thought about it for a second…

I think it’s comical how one word can encompass a vast array of meanings and emotions. Ass can be funny, hurtful, or downright rude. I hope I have not offended anyone with the word, but even that begs the question, why should it offend? It’s a word, a word describing either an animal or an anatomical location. Now, if I told you you ARE an ass then maybe a little offense is warranted. 

Then again, maybe not…

One of my favorite things to call people is AssFace. I think it sounds funnier than butthead. No one gets super upset when you call them a butthead and there was even a cartoon character with the name that made it past the FCC. So why should AssFace bother someone? If I am going to spend the time calling you a name then I am probably not all that angry and will go for the laugh every time. And AssFace is in fact funnier to hear. Period.

I have grown a little in the last year and don’t use the word as much when I’m at work. Instead I say rear or hindend. Neither rolls off the tongue and mostly get quizzical looks from my students. “Why don’t you just say ‘ass’ Ms. Andrews? We don’t mind.”

 Point of fact they probably don’t. No need to push that button any more than I already have though…

So to end this blurb I will tell you I will continue to work my ass off (figuratively and literally) laugh my ass off, kick ass (and take names), haul ass, and well….

Inspiration song…Baby Got Back by Sir-Mix-A-Lot

Up Kinda Late Last Night

I suffer from insomnia quite often. It is not something I recommend to my friends.

There is a feeling that I am unable to open my eyes, but the restfulness does not find me. My mind is a whir with images of random events. My heart hurts for friends I can no longer see.

Not all my nights are unpleasant. Some nights I am excited about an upcoming trip or even a big game. It does not make the insomnia better, because I want to be well rested.

I feel like this has been something I have had since I was little. Remember my post on talking to myself? My imaginary friends kept me awake all through my childhood. I don't think I had one imaginary friend. I think I had an entire imaginary world. Maybe it sounds crazy, but what good is a blog if you don't put a little of yourself out there?

The first two years I lived in Texas I didn’t sleep. I was worried every day that something would happen to an athlete and I would have to tell coach our "star" was done for the season. Coach was OLD and it would have been like disappointing my grandfather!

I moved to Houston and slept! It was glorious!

It took me three years, and then I met Ch---hole. For 18 months I got less than the required amount of sleep consistently. I cannot count the number of nights an hour, yes you read that correctly singular, is all I received and then worked a 14 hour day. It was not the brightest thing I ever did. I was young-ish and thought I was invincible.

Insomnia has been off and on ever since. Some nights require a muscle relaxer, and others I just fight through. Crosswords work. This blog helps. Alcohol is not a friend to sleep. Yes, I may pass out, but am awake in a few hours and unable to get back to sleep.

I can't say I miss those days of sleep, because I don't think I ever really had that many. I am jealous of those who can sleep before hitting the pillow. Sandpile can. FreightTrain could before law school.

I know many of my friends take Ambien and that worries me a little. I'm becoming less and less of a drug fan anyhow, but especially for sleep. I don't judge them. I just worry, and when I can't sleep I think of those friends and it leads to more worry, which leafs to less sleeping! It’s a vicious circle!

When I am awake and its daylight I know my life is just as it should be and I am where I need to be. I wish my brain could catch up to that at night!

Inspiration Song...Up Kinda Late Last Night by Cross Canadian Ragweed

Hair!

The most underrated accessory is rubber band, also called “elastic” in British Columbia. I wanted to bring “elastic” to the States, but my friend said I was not allowed.   

Let me be clear, I am NOT talking about the scruncci. Sex and the City did a wonderful episode on how “real New Yorkers” do not wear them…and neither should you! They are big and bulky and just look silly.

Back to the point when you don’t have a rubber band or elastic, it is sorely missed!

I have had every length of hair imaginable. Last year at this time it was almost the entire length of my back, because I couldn’t afford to see GodofHair.

My relationship with GodofHair is the most stable male relationship I have ever had, and I will NOT cheat on him...EVER. I love him as a family member!

I waited and waited. Finally I couldn't handle it any longer and chopped off my amazing length and ended up with a sassy short do. I really liked it. I loved the idea of going to the gym and not putting my hair back in a long floppy ponytail. Having wet, sweaty, heavy hair hitting the back of your neck while running is just gross.

I was digging sassy but still no money, so I let the hair grow. Football season started in August and there was no time to do anything, let alone visit GodofHair. My hair continued to grow and grow.

Now I am in love with my hair. It is a length that if both functional and fitting for my face. For the most part I wear it down like a “real” girl to work. This is where the problem arises....

I refuse to wear a rubber band around my wrist. I WORK in a high school, not GO to high school. Typically this is no big deal; I have pre-wrap available all day if needed and a rubber band in my purse for emergencies.

Um, what happens when neither is available?!

I will tell you...

You frantically look through your entire car, while in the gym parking lot, in hopes you accidentally dropped one...no luck. You search every inch of your purse and gym bag...no luck...

You are a tough modern gal, so you decide you are going to tough it out. Um, then you SUCK in your own hair when you are on the treadmill! Then you try to braid your hair while running...doesn't work.

Now you are off the treadmill and working with your trainer. He decides today would be fun to do mountain climbers in the pushup position with hair hanging down…sucking it in again. Follow that up with back extensions where you bend down at the hips and raise your body and rotate...hair in your face the entire time!

Oh oh oh, the pony tail is essential for the gym! Perfect or messy you cannot and will not go wrong with your hair out of your face and off your shoulders.

Your hairdresser, my GodofHair, will tell you the ponytail is the worst thing you can do. It damages the tresses and makes them all flaky. However, good shampoo and conditioner will help strengthen the locks so an hour or so of exercise will not be as catastrophic.

I loooovvveee my shampoo and conditioner! I use Kenra Moisturizing Shampoo and Tressa Quenching Conditioner. Kenra is available locally, but the only place I have found to get Quench is in Lewiston, ID of all places. I found it online today, so Sandpile won’t have to send me anymore.

The lesson I want to leave today is do not be unfriendly and unattached to your “elastics”! They are necessary and keep you from much unwanted stress.

As a backup however, I will keep a roll of prewrap in my gym bag from here on out…it’s definitely a perk of the job.

 Inspiration song…Hair by The Cowsills

We're Talkin' Baseball

My best guy friend was a coach when I lived in Seattle. I was literally WARNED about him the day before I started working for the Indians, I mean No Mascot, I mean Wildcats...yes we had three mascots in the three years I was there…However, he was the first person to open his arms and help me become an athletic trainer. College taught me the training room; Freddy taught me how to talk to coaches and how to manage a sideline.

As a coaching staff we ate pizza and drank pitchers of “sodas” after every game. I delivered my injury report over pitchers! What kid out of college wouldn't LOVE that job?!

We still manage to talk to each other about once a week/month. We don’t talk nearly as much lately since he has two beautiful children he actually spends time with. I only wish I could see them more!!! Occasionally when the kids are asleep or he's driving home we hit on something amazing...

Tuesday night was one of those nights:

We played "Name the Former Mariner".

Back before the kids he played it as a drinking game with his buddies. We played it just for nostalgia's sake over text. Too bad we didn’t have a chance to do it during Snowapalooza…

He has that God-given boy brain that remembers statistics and names of professional athletes.

I cheated…

I have a team picture of the 2000 Mariners framed on my wall. The only men on the photo that aren’t former Mariners are the athletic trainers!

He had names I never would have thought about; Jim Beattie, Gorman Thomas, Billy Swift…I was able to pull out some names he didn't think of (even without the team photo). John Olerud, Freddy Garcia, Jay Buhner…It was a great trip down memory lane.

I've eaten Mike's chili with "The Sherriff" Norm Charlton. He actually advised me NOT to move to Waco. I appreciate that advice very much now.

I've watched Jamie Moyer go through a shoulder rehab in the training room; Edgar Martinez was working out that day as well.

John Olerud signed baseball gloves for me and Freight Train when he was still in college about to move on to the Majors.

The 2001 Seattle Mariners will always be "My Team". 116 wins and I had seats for eight home games that year; not to mention the other games I didn’t pay for. As a bonus I was able to take mi Padre, Mighty, to a post season game watching the Yankees! I have the ticket stubs framed above the team photo. I won Best Daughter of the Year in 2001.

I loved the people, professional athletes and personal friends in Seattle. Don’t get me started on the students I had!

Inspiration Song…”We’re Talkin’ Baseball” by Terry Cashman

Friend or Foe??

What defines attraction? Webster defines it as “a force acting mutually between particles of matter, tending to draw them together, and resisting their separation”.  Newton had his ideas with the whole gravity thing...but what makes a person attractive to another person? How can you be attracted to someone you know is not good for you?

I have a friend. We were a bit of an item years ago until he decided he wanted to date someone else. To his credit he told me, unlike the former THG. But this friend is still attractive to me. He's not in super great shape and really does have a “Grizzly Adams” beard rolling, but when I am within a few feet of him I get tingles...

This is after almost two years of not being together. Shoot we didn’t talk for the first six months after our breakup and not at all while I was with tfTHG. That is almost a solid year of no communication except for major golf events.

So there we were this past weekend hanging out having a couple sodas at our favorite pub, and it is as if we never spent a moment apart. We can be in each other’s personal space and it doesn’t feel awkward or forced. We dance to the same silly songs and play Golden Tee together. He’s a pretty great caddy/coach.

And the tingles...did i mention the tingles?

Now don’t get me wrong. I harbor no false fantasies of our reuniting. There are many MANY reasons we didn’t work out in the first place. Did I mention MANY? I just find it odd that after all the hurt and time apart there is still something that draws us together.

It’s the tingles...It’s that feeling of butterflies when you know you’re about to see a special person...It’s the hair rising on your arms when that person is standing behind you...The smile stretching across your face when that person says you are "the sh*+" or "gorgeous".

Truthfully, I miss the tingles. I am glad this friend still gives them to me. I can’t wait for a time when an appropriate man gives me the same feeling. Appropriate being a man who doesn’t want to or isn’t currently dating someone who isn’t me.

Until that time my focus is on taking care of my Lobo kiddos and making myself as attractive as possible.

Inspiration Song..."Friend or Foe" by Adam Ant

Run This Town

Tardy sweep is the worst.

Worst for the kids. Kids RUN to avoid it!

If a student is late to class, rather than be a disruption, they are to report directly to the "commons" aka cafeteria. Once there they have to copy the Tardy Sweep Rules in their own handwriting and then sit.

Quietly.

For about 40 min.

No homework.

No talking.

No bathroom breaks.

NO sleeping.

Did I mention all this is whole listening to Pavarotti or a variety of classical music/arias? I am convinced Opera is the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard for a teenager.

Admittedly, by the end of the semester even I am tired of listening to it.

Of course there is a simple solution. Don't be late. Don't let your girlfriend or boyfriend keep you from handling your business and get to class.

My responsibility is to make sure the knuckleheads who find tardy sweep follow the rules and don't cause a bigger problem than being tardy. I only despise the job when a kid uses tardy sweep to get out of not having their work done or act like a monster.

I do not complain about Tardy Sweep.

It is not my favorite part of the day, but I am not grading papers so I will stand. I will watch the knuckleheads and the kids who just made a mistake. I will not let the knuckleheads ruin my day.

I thought that would be a problem when I first started, but it really just makes me appreciate my athletes more. When I get back to the training room there are students who will listen to me, talk to me, and don’t want to end up in the AP office or with a suspension. They are just high school kids, no more, no less.

Word to the wise…get to class!!!

Inspiration song…”Run This Town” by Jay-Z, Kanye West, & Rhianna

Can't Stop Now

In 2011 many men felt they were allowed an opinion on my life. Some I listened to. Some I shouldn't have. Most things were told as a way to help me simplify my life, while others were to serve the needs of someone else. I was in a state of dispair and felt like listening was the best idea. Now I have my strength back and that is no longer the case.

This is my year...

My year to make or break...

I've dubbed 2012 as the year when my trainers BIG D and Dimples (stolen from The Most Amazing Mom) will be the only men to tell me what to do!

Now let me tell you who these special men are. BIG D is my trainer at LA Fitness. Ok, I haven't worked with him for a full workout yet, but I think I'm going to like him. He is a BIG man and does some sort of fighting. I know this because he had to cancel last week to prepare and I'm waiting to hear if we are still on tonight. If he is not able to walk he will have to cancel.

He gets to tell me what to do because I need to go the next step on this getting in shape thing.

Dimples is the greatest! I met him while he was coaching football at a middle school I provided athletic trainer coverage to last year. Then he became the trainer to TMAM (HUGE post about her coming up). I worked with him last summer and loved it. I mean how cool was it to say I was unemployed but still had a trainer?!

Dimples is adorable and smart and we get to talk about sports stuff.

There is a small possible problem. Hopefully dimples makes the decision to follow his beautiful fiance in her career expansion to Colorado. Now this gal is awesome; smokin' hot, smart, and in LOVE with Dimples.  Not sure what else he needs..

I hate to see him go, but in the opinion of TMAM and I he needs to go be cold in CO. They have football and people who want to be fit there too!

I really can't stop now. I must listen to these two men and take my body to the next level. My cardio is way way up and I feel amazing. I need to work on the strength training. Burning calories in the large muscle groups and toning up is the plan. Also the Warrior Dash is exactly two months away and I plan on crushing that trail!

I get to jump over fire and walk through mud!!!!  Can you say Hell to the YA?!!?!!

Inspiration song...Can't Stop Now by Keane

Inspiration location...treadmill

Stronger

I am growing. Not out (thanks to some lofty goals we'll talk about in a bit) but up. Since June 2010 it has been an uphill battle every day to keep my head and spirits up. Through it all I have grown as a person in self awareness and physical strength.

I am positive there will be many posting about my physical strength improvements and challenges in the next year...my goals are to participate in a Warrior Dash, Big D half marathon in Dallas, and at least one triathalon. This sampling of rambling isn't about the physical growth so much as it is about throwing out the past and focusing on the here and now.

Right now I am focusing on two types of growth; my friendships and a business. More about the business at a different time. Today I am focusing on my friendships. I really need to be better about keeping up with those that have known me for month/years. Admittedly I am horrible at communicating. I let life get in my way. When I was with the former THG (tall handsome guy) I let my friendships slip away. Some I don't think I will ever retrieve, which makes me more sad than you could ever know. My other friendships I just need to work on.

I started small, helping a friend reorganize her entire house...I mean why just jump right in, right? We have a long way to go, but its something she physically can not do on her own and I am healthy and happy to help. I check in over email with friends at least once a week and am working on dinner plans for the next couple weeks. I don't want to worry about bringing someone I don't know into my life until I shore up the relationships I already have.

I hope to make better contact with you. If I have not, it is not because I don't care.

Have a safe weekend my friends. I look forward to chatting more after the long weekend.

If You Only Knew

I talk to myself. It's true, I really do. I blame it on the fact I've lived alone for so long I need some way to work through things. In a moment of quiet honesty, I have to admt, I've ALWAYS talked to myself. Maybe it was an overactive imagination or just feeling like I didn't have anyone else to talk to. My mom, forever known as Sandpile, loves to tell the story about worrying there was someone in my room when I was three, but when she checked I was just having a conversation with my stuffed animals.

So here we are 30 years from that day and I still talk to myself. I was caught last weekend wondering why there were four athletic trainers watching ONE high school wrestling mat at a tournament. Its one of those things you are supposed to say inside your head, not actually move your lips! But there I was in the middle of the Berry Center talking outloud...to myself.  Two friends were laughing and thought I was crazy at that one moment. It wasn't because I was having fun watching a high school wrestling tournament, no it was because I talk to myself.  Now, I've decided that maybe I just need a voice of a different medium. That is where this blog comes in.

If you are my friend you know I can not tell a joke to save my life, but I can be very funny. I like to see the world for all it's hilarity and irony. I really wish I could record my conversations with Sandpile. Something about driving 70 mph and talking to her leads to the BEST observations! Life is messy and ugly and hard. You must be able to find the "funny" in every situation even when it seems most bleak. Trust me, I've been to where I felt was rock bottom for my psyche and managed to laugh at least once a day about the situation. Facebook and Twitter don't allow an entire story to really develop, so here I am.

I hope to make you giggle. Maybe make you think, but definitely give the words in my head a place to be.