Move On

A friend recently told me that being around happy people annoyed her. She is going through some stuff and I understood exactly where she was coming from.

I've been in that place.

It's a brutal place to be.

A place where you don't recognize yourself because drastic things have happened out of your control and you can only miss the person you were or the things you had. The future is so freaking scary when you're looking at it alone.

The truth is unfortunate that in the four days since she said that to me I have become very not-happy. Not the unhappy I just described. The not-happy that comes with loss and illness of a dear friend.

I hope you read yesterday's blog, if not, please do! I outlined steps anyone between the ages of 18 and 60 can take to register for bone marrow donation. It's basically a cause I am not resting on for a while.

Sorry, but get used to it being mentioned.

I do not want to take away from the seriousness of that message, but I am going to move away for a minute. 

The loss seems silly at this point, but I should mention it before I allude to it at a different time.

It seems as if Sweetness has decided he and I are not to be together any longer.

He’s moving on…

I'm not sure what happened, but he decided not to return messages or respond to me in any way.

It sucks.

It sucks a lot.

I am sad, but know that no matter how much you want something and hope and pray it happens, if it's not meant to be it’s not going to happen.

He was in my life for a reason and I believe he taught me a great deal in our short time, mostly about what I want.

1. I want to be a wife and mom.

2. I want to go camping in primitive campgrounds.

3. I want to hike all over Texas.

4. I want to be treated like a princess.

5. I want to smile every day because a man truly cares about me.

I'm sure there's more, but that's the big stuff, and Sweetness taught me that.

Sweetness was someone I wanted in my life. He was easy to talk to like Cha$$hole, protective like Jerkface, and fun the way another ex always was.

He just felt he and I together wasn't the fit.

He’s moving on…have I mentioned that already??

One of his friends seems to think he is being a "fraidy cat" and is scared to pursue a relationship with me. This makes me think of the Sex and the City episode "He's Just Not That Into You". The "he's scared" excuse is an urban myth.

Sure, I would like to think I am so awesome he just didn’t want to end up not living up to my awesomeness. The truth is he just decided I wasn't worth it.

Ok.

Time for ME to move on.

I will always like him and wish him nothing but the best. I'm curious to see what happens next wrestling season. My enjoyment of the sport was not because of him, just heightened. I will still work all the matches and tournaments I am able. He will either be coaching or reffing, so we will be forced to spend HOURS in the same building together. I hope we are able to smile and chat and not have any ill will.

I know how my friend feels. I get pangs of jealousy when someone says they can't wait to see their husband or I see an adorable family and recognize how much they love each other. I miss that. I want that.

There is nothing I can do about the relationship stuff at this point. Until there is I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other, making sure the people currently in my life know how much I love and appreciate them.

There are happy things to look forward to. Crawfish boils, babies, weddings, the POOL!!!

Moving on…

Inspiration Song…Move On by the Warren Brothers

Can't Get Enough

 was going to write a great blog on the half marathon I ran this weekend, but situations have changed and I have something much more important to talk about, er ask, I should say.

I’m sure there will be time for me to talk about the weekend, but really, I drove to Dallas, saw some great friends, ran a big circle and got soaked to the bone…end of story.

Normally I wouldn’t be so blasé about my accomplishment, but a friend is in need of some serious prayers and assistance.

BigBrother has been diagnosed with myelodspastic syndrome (MDS). Basically the aplastic anemia he kicked 10 years ago has come out of remission bigger and badder than ever. MDS is a pre-leukemia disease and messes with blood cells. Either not producing blood cells at all or producing only blasts, which are immature blood cells. The immature cells aren’t able to carry iron the way a real cell can, hence the anemia.

Remember, this is the man who introduced me to my camping partner last month and has welcomed me with open arms into our school’s “family”. He’s the one with whom I am able to do “Irish firedrills” and run a crazy three-mile race in mud. He’s incredibly important to me.

The treatment for MDS sounds like it sucks. As of now, pending insurance approval, BigBrother is scheduled to begin chemotherapy this week and be in the hospital a minimum of five days. There are rumors of radiation, but I have not heard that from his mouth, so I cannot say with certainty. Ultimately he’s going to need a bone marrow transplant in the near future. I know it was not easy for him to find a match 10 years ago and am hopeful there have been more bone marrow registrants since that time.

Because I do not like relying on that 'hope", and the fact I am not one to just sit around and wait, I’ve decided to take steps to host a Be the Match registration drive.

I’m going to digress (big shock) and mention being a bone marrow donor is something I’ve always wanted to do. I actually hope there is someone out there I am able to help some time in my life. I’ve been crushed by 750 lbs of pressure and only broke a pelvis. I’m pretty sure my bones are solid. If some of my bones can help out a friend or stranger I would give that opportunity.

I understand that being a donor hurts. It hurts A LOT.

I’m willing to go through the physical pain if it means I helped make a person’s life better. Maybe that person pays it forward and helps someone else out in a meaningful way. I am not extremely civic minded. I don’t run for office and I don’t attend public meetings. If I can do this, then that’s a big deal.

Digression complete…

The registration drive is in the baby request stages at this point. I will definitely keep my little social world informed of any news I receive.

As I understand it there are six criteria that must match to make a viable donor. BigBrother was told today he could have any of my parts that match. *smile

Unfortunately, I know it does not work that way, and that is why I am reaching out to you.  

The beauty is you do not have to be in Houston or wait until I get a registration drive started to help. The Be the Match registry is a national database. Once you are in there is a chance you could be a donor to someone on the opposite side of the country from where you reside. Shoot, it could be someone from the opposite side of the street and you don’t even know!!!

I registered five years ago at an Athletic Trainer convention and called to confirm today I am on the list. Good news is I am! Now I’m just trying to get the word out.

If you are interested in helping, either to help my friend or out of a general desire to help a fellow human being, joining the registry steps follow:

The process is very simple. Go to http://marrow.org and click on the “Join the Registry” tab. From there you can read and get more information to see if this is the right choice for you. If you feel it’s right click on the “Join Now” and answer the prompts as they come up. From there the Registry will send you a kit to collect a swab of cheek cells (NO finger pricks for blood!!!). Once the kit is returned boom, you are on the list. I’m sure there is a bit more communication, but in general that is how it works.

SandPile is going to talk to the Pathology Lab at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Lewiston this week to see if she can get put on the registry through them.

I certainly hope this blog finds you happy and healthy. No one should have to go through what BigBrother’s family is going through. There are two small kids ages 9 and 6 and one young man who will have to take on a greater burden around the house than his 17 years should allow. I know they are a strong family with an amazing support and faith system.

If you are comfortable, please pass the word on to your friends who do not read this blog. I KNOW it is a HUGE thing to ask someone to donate bone marrow. That is precisely why I appreciate you reading this far.

XOXO

Inspiration Song…Can’t Get Enough by Bad Company

I was actually singing “Can’t get enough of your blood” while writing this blog. *smile

Dilemma

My job is about Dealing with and minimizing dilemmas. Unfortunately the dilemmas in the last few weeks have been plentiful and less with students and more with coaches and friends.

Disease is the major culprit. Lord I would love a sprained ankle at the moment.

Diabetes, hypertension, a paralytic colon, and anemia are at the top of the list.

I have been SCARED and concerned. I have offered to babysit kids and donate all my bone marrow.

Are we at the age where bad stuff just happens to good people?

I've talked a lot about the good stuff, but should acknowledge the bad…

Have you ever seen a diabetic event?

Scariest thing ever!!! It's like watching a drunk. They think they are ok, but clearly not. One event happened while a man was on a baseball field dragger and his athletes watching. He was driving like a MAD man. Another coach and I actually got into an argument as to whether I should be out on the field because the driver could not be trusted not to hit me.

Once he was off the machine my training was useful, but until then I was helpless.

How about sitting at the cardiologist? Not fun. Ok, if I'm sitting anywhere I'll make it fun, but circumstances make it not so. I was able to help a friend and be an interpreter. We found out he has exercise induced high blood pressure.  Odd!

How about a dear friend with an intestine blockage? That was great.

Her daughter had to ask me to see if she was really ok, because she was doubled over in pain that morning and told her daughter she was alright.

Surprise surprise, she told me the same thing.

Thank goodness the security guard at school told her if she didn’t get in the car and go to the hospital he was going to put her in an ambulance himself. And thank goodness the blockage began to move and she seems to be almost human now. However, she did not make me any coffee yesterday, which makes me angry at her. *smile

Yestderday was finding out a person I owe a lot of my current happiness to seems to have a disease coming out of a 10-year remission.

Stupid blood disorders!!

When so much of my day is spent figuring out and fixing problems it stinks to be helpless.

He has an amazing support system so I didn't need to be all up in his business. I spent the day researching and trying to figure out if we can do anything as a community to help. I like to take my mind off the immediate to work on future plans.

LONG family history of ostriches...

Mostly I want to see how I can get blood and bone marrow tested. I start thinking maybe this is the reason I was put where I am.

In truth a large, I don't know if "goal" is the right word, but definitely on my bucket list is to be able to help a person by donating my marrow.

No way is it comfortable. No way would it be fun. I realize this.

I have no idea what propels me. Maybe it's the thought that my physical pain could possibly save a person the emotional pain of losing someone they love too soon. Maybe it’s because I have strong bones and can grow more marrow. Others aren't so lucky.

I found marrow.org and urge you to be tested and put your name on the registry.

I hope in Cypress we will be able to have a registration drive. 

And while I've diverged to helping causes I will continue.

There is a winery out of Napa, CA called ONEHOPE. Their specialty is good low cost wine where profits go to various research foundations. They have a pink bottled Chardonnay where half of the profits go towards Breast Cancer research. Now there is a blue bottled Cabernet Sauvignon and half of the profits of its sale go towards autism research. What a cool company!!!

I really enjoyed my Cabernet the other night. Both can be found at your local Specs. For those of you outside Houston I'm sure it's easy to find.

As for me, I will continue the fights that need fighting. The coach with diabetes is getting it under control and the friend with the high blood pressure is as well. If MsD will start making coffee she will be back to normal.

Oh, what about my students? Well, my students do crazy things like slam their mouth on a teammate's head. Spitting blood and crying is the kind of dilemma I prefer!

Inspiration Song...Dilemma by Max Enforcer and Waverider.

One of the lines from Dilemma is "Where would you look for answers? None of us are in this alone."  Hell ya! For those friends/coworkers I have written about here or you reading this, know you are not alone. I gotz your back!