Move On

A friend recently told me that being around happy people annoyed her. She is going through some stuff and I understood exactly where she was coming from.

I've been in that place.

It's a brutal place to be.

A place where you don't recognize yourself because drastic things have happened out of your control and you can only miss the person you were or the things you had. The future is so freaking scary when you're looking at it alone.

The truth is unfortunate that in the four days since she said that to me I have become very not-happy. Not the unhappy I just described. The not-happy that comes with loss and illness of a dear friend.

I hope you read yesterday's blog, if not, please do! I outlined steps anyone between the ages of 18 and 60 can take to register for bone marrow donation. It's basically a cause I am not resting on for a while.

Sorry, but get used to it being mentioned.

I do not want to take away from the seriousness of that message, but I am going to move away for a minute. 

The loss seems silly at this point, but I should mention it before I allude to it at a different time.

It seems as if Sweetness has decided he and I are not to be together any longer.

He’s moving on…

I'm not sure what happened, but he decided not to return messages or respond to me in any way.

It sucks.

It sucks a lot.

I am sad, but know that no matter how much you want something and hope and pray it happens, if it's not meant to be it’s not going to happen.

He was in my life for a reason and I believe he taught me a great deal in our short time, mostly about what I want.

1. I want to be a wife and mom.

2. I want to go camping in primitive campgrounds.

3. I want to hike all over Texas.

4. I want to be treated like a princess.

5. I want to smile every day because a man truly cares about me.

I'm sure there's more, but that's the big stuff, and Sweetness taught me that.

Sweetness was someone I wanted in my life. He was easy to talk to like Cha$$hole, protective like Jerkface, and fun the way another ex always was.

He just felt he and I together wasn't the fit.

He’s moving on…have I mentioned that already??

One of his friends seems to think he is being a "fraidy cat" and is scared to pursue a relationship with me. This makes me think of the Sex and the City episode "He's Just Not That Into You". The "he's scared" excuse is an urban myth.

Sure, I would like to think I am so awesome he just didn’t want to end up not living up to my awesomeness. The truth is he just decided I wasn't worth it.

Ok.

Time for ME to move on.

I will always like him and wish him nothing but the best. I'm curious to see what happens next wrestling season. My enjoyment of the sport was not because of him, just heightened. I will still work all the matches and tournaments I am able. He will either be coaching or reffing, so we will be forced to spend HOURS in the same building together. I hope we are able to smile and chat and not have any ill will.

I know how my friend feels. I get pangs of jealousy when someone says they can't wait to see their husband or I see an adorable family and recognize how much they love each other. I miss that. I want that.

There is nothing I can do about the relationship stuff at this point. Until there is I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other, making sure the people currently in my life know how much I love and appreciate them.

There are happy things to look forward to. Crawfish boils, babies, weddings, the POOL!!!

Moving on…

Inspiration Song…Move On by the Warren Brothers