Eyes Wide Open

Experience is a funny thing. For the most part it's an educational tool.

When we were younger we learned by doing things. If it didn't "give hurt" (a phrase used by Jack London in Call of the Wild) and it worked we knew to repeat the same process. If, however, we ended up getting punished or it didn’t work we adapted and tried another approach.

How many times do we have to make mistakes before we make those adaptations though??

It should come as no surprise I am now going to segway into my seemingly endless task of trying to find another human being to share my life.

Here it goes.

You can say I have a "type" and follow certain patterns. In my 20's I only wanted to be around rodeo cowboys. I was young and single and not horrible to look at. They were young, for the most part single, and not sticking around very long. I was not interested in settling down.

How could I be when every night was a party?!?

That part of my life was fun and exciting! I lived an impulsive lifestyle and don't regret a single moment of it.

I realized a couple years ago the drifter lifestyle needed to be shelved…or did I?

So now my newest “type” seems to be a divorced single dad. Oddly, they have all had sons, not a daughter among them. The second oddity is the son’s name usually starts with a C. This is consistent to the fact that two out of three dads share the same name.

(I really thought I was more adventurous than this)

The two with the same name have been well documented on this site and I don’t feel like rehashing at the moment.

There is a third, and this one cracks me up because he is literally every man I’ve ever known rolled into one tall handsome package.

I could be tempted to fall back on past behavior and really like this guy. However I have decided my job is to learn from past experience and not make the same mistakes.

Such.a.tall.order.

Not that tall…

He lives five hours away. Apparently I like my men not only emotionally unavailable, but physically as well.

I know where this will end.

I did this to myself.

I knew I would like this man.

I knew leaving him would be hard.

I still did what I wanted because that’s who I am.

This is where I realize why Sweetness changed and went POOF. It was a way to prepare me for this latest adventure. If I had not had my experience with him I would be inclined to really screw up.

Women have a natural tendency to want to talk to the object of our affection…a lot. That is probably one of the reasons Sweetness vanished. It was too much. I was too much. I didn’t back the EFF off.

I have to rely on my past experience and not make the same mistakes. I have to play it cool. Let the cards fall where they may. I still want to maintain a friendship with this man.

I did not walk into this situation unknowingly. My eyes were wide open. All the negatives were standing tall among all the positives.  

The great thing about waking up every morning is we have a chance at something great every time we do it. Maybe this is the experience that will propel me to a bigger and better adventure…

Inspiration Song…Eyes Wide Open by Gotye