Gambler

"You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em."

Since my last blog the world stopped, again. The person I alluded to in "Where were you…" decided he really didn't love me, or maybe like me, regardless, he's gone; poof, as if six months meant nothing. I don't get it, but it's his loss. Right?

The great thing is the timing. Only three days after I called him "the greatest adventure" he gave up. That's not the good part though, it happened the eve of my trip to Nicaragua! Can you believe that?!? I got on a plane feeling like my chest was ripped in two. I didn't let it affect my week. No one knew I was even having issues...I don't ALWAYS say everything that's on my mind. *wink

The timing of the trip and breakup worked well for me. I was able to throw myself into doing things for others for seven days. Then while I was down there the message of every church service was about relationships, and how women should be treated so much better than we sometimes get treated. I took every message to heart. I thought it meant to come home and fight for this person and help show him how love is supposed to be.

Wrong.

Those messages ended up giving me the strength and courage to just end that which was not working. Facebook helped too. Seriously, when lying to a woman and telling her you have "a lot going on in your life" don't let your friends post drunk pictures of you on Facebook and talk about how hot the Bachelorette is!

Ok, diatribe over.

Nicaragua was amazing. We built a wall with bricks and cement. I bent metal to use with columns of rebar. I dispensed medicine to people of Leon after the saw a doctor. I have never been so filthy in my entire life! Sweating and playing in concrete and dirt will do that to you! Of course I loved every blister producing back breaking second of it. Well, I did until I caught a stomach bug on our last day there. I'm still battling a general yucky feeling, but not a big deal.

The people I met in Leon, both Nicaraguans and the Americans I went with were wonderful. It was nice getting to have some introspection time. We gave thanks for the people, relationships, and experiences.

I promised one of the guys I would even go down to Pearland for a few services to maintain the relationships. It can't hurt to add a little "higher power" into my life.

You would think my month had enough to keep me busy. Nope, I added more. One week after breaking up with the "love of my life" (blech, whatever that means) I took my true love (the orange jeep) out to Austin and wheeled at Hidden Falls Off Road Park.

He and I almost didn't go. I almost went with a guy friend to drive his jeep. That would have been fun too, but things happened, as they usually do, and I was solo. I would have enjoyed the white jeep, but getting to wheel with MY modifications and remember that adrenalin rush was just what I needed. Let’s just say if a guy ever wants to go wheel with me we better trailer his AND mine so we can travel together. I'm not leaving my baby behind!

Look at what it can do!

 

Would you leave it at home? No! You can't keep a wild animal caged!

So we wheeled and I came bank to Houston exhausted, but happy. There is a monkey off my back. No more worrying about someone else's issues. No more guilt about not wheeling my jeep.

I found out this weekend I'm good at a few things: being a damn good friend, being single, and wheeling.

Conveniently my jeep allows me to do all of those things. Maybe some guy will sweep me up. Maybe he won't. I'm ok regardless. Before New Year's Eve I thought my world was empty if I didn't get married or have a relationship. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's a little relationship PTSD. I'm not in a hurry to jump into anything. If a guy comes a long I guarantee we will take the whole "feelings" step SLOW.

I folded one hand and am waiting for better cards to play.

For now my prayers are for all my friends, men and women, to have happy healthy meaningful lives. Sorry y'all, there's no definition as to what that means. You need to figure that on your own. I have some ideas for me, but those cards I'll play close to my heart.

Inspiration song; Gambler by Kenny Rogers