Winding Wheel

My head has been spinning these days.

There has been so much and not enough going on I feel like a yo-yo up and down.

I have not been able to concentrate on any single activity for some time. I feel like my mind is in one place and my body in another.

It is true my brain was sent into a tailspin last week. It’s not easy to hear the person you loved and wanted to spend your life with left you and married another within two months. That can mess with your head.

I let it.

I did the 10-second pity party, then a couple more. I became enraged, I sort of cried a little, I acted like it wasn’t a big deal…then I went to the gym.

The gym is the one place I feel relaxed and able to concentrate. I ran almost 11 miles yesterday. There was nothing pressing to get home to and I needed to just sweat out some negativity.

It helped…a little.

The other thing that helped was getting to spend time with a friend. We will call him WSUCougar. I work with this friend and found out he played football in Pullman, WA just 27 miles from where I grew up.

I will never forget the day I found out. He came in wearing a scarlet and gray shirt that said Washington State on it. I asked “what you know about Wazzu?”. Mind you, I had only worked with him for a few months and never had a real conversation. He asked if I was kidding him and said he played football there. I was blown away! I told him I grew up in Lewiston and HE was blown away!

For a couple weeks we stared at each other and kept saying how close we felt to each other. I still feel that way, as if there is a connection somehow by knowing the Northwest.

As for this weekend, I needed to get out of the house, dress like a girl, put on makeup and heels. The problem is, and I do not want my girlfriends to take offense, but I could not go hang with another girl.

Here is the problem with girlfriends. Sometimes they make it way too easy to be sad. There would have been talking about the week’s events, there would have been bad-talking Terrible Person and men in general. Then I would have helped them deal with their own problems as a way of avoiding mine.

No, I needed to hang with a dude this weekend. I needed someone to just hang with, talk in short sentences to, and compete against.

Yes, I said compete.

WSUCougar and I played a little pool. I am terrible at pool. I can’t see angles and have zero touch. That makes the first game we played even better. There were three balls on the table; one for me, one for him, and the eight ball. I managed to hit a kiss shot off my ball and it rolled to the corner pocket! Great shot, WSUCougar was in shock. Mostly because my leave was close to the eight ball and I sunk that too! He said “No one will hear about this!” and I said “Hell ya they will! I’m blogging about it!”.

He decided maybe darts would be a better idea.

Poor guy didn’t know I threw in a league and grew up with English Mark Darts in the house. I can’t throw a ball, but I can damn sure throw a dart!

We played a game of Cricket where I beat him soundly. Being a competitive guy he wanted another shot, so another $1.50 went into the machine. I was getting creamed! I couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. WSUCougar had some points on me and I needed to make a change. I went after and hit the bull a couple times and needed to get some points. I ended up hitting two triple sixteens to win the game on points. I could have stood back and let him have the win, but I know deep down in my heart if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t hold back, so why should I? He was going down. So yeah, it felt good to beat a guy. Sue me…

My focus is still a little wonky.

I find myself easily distracted or “waking up” from some thought induced state.

I get by though. It’s nothing a little time and patience won’t take care of. Since I don’t really know what it is I’m waiting for, I guess I have time to wait. After all, if you don’t know what it is you are looking for you are guaranteed NOT to find it.

Inspiration Song…Winding Wheel by Ryan Adams